Determined

This is it.  This has to be it.  I have to get my manuscript done.  So much of my soul has been consumed by stressing about getting this manuscript done.  I have yet another due date I set myself to get the editing done, to submit it to the editor.  I remember something my master's thesis advisor told me: there's good, and there's done.

It was disheartening when I received more feedback from the person who has been reading my manuscript.  And it sounds like she straight up doesn't like it.  At the same time, I know there are people who do like it.  She's clearly not the target audience.  I have to accept I'm not going to please everyone.  I will take her feedback and use it as much as it fits into my vision of my story.  But not now.

Right now, I need to finish what I started in turning the whole manuscript from first-person to third-person.  I need to make it as good as it can get in a handful of days.  Then I need to send it to the editor.  I can take their feedback and hers and polish it as much as possible before I send it in for publication...again.  It's still far from done, far from perfect.  But my plate is filling up quickly.  If I don't get it done now, it may be months before it gets done.  I can't keep dragging my feet.  I have to get this done.  Someone out there needs my tale of healing, the story of a woman trained in helplessness fighting her way to self-confidence.  I need to get it to that person.  And the next step is this: getting it done and to the editor.

Feedback

It's good to get feedback from other writers.  That's why I rejoined League of Utah Writers after some hiatus.  I went to a different branch of the group before, one, that met in person.  It was really good to get personal feedback, especially from such excellent writers and critiquers.  Several of them are published and really know what they're doing.

However, I found myself going less and less often because life gets hectic.  The way they run it, you bring your text in one time, people take it home and read and critique it thoroughly, and then you get it back with verbal explanations the next time.  It's a good system, but it didn't work for me.  I would have to have driven 20 minutes to get back into town after going home, or I would have had to stick around in town long after it was necessary...two weeks in a row.  It's hard to make a commitment like that.  If I lived in town, it would have been no big deal.  But especially in winter when even the highway can get slick, and fog makes visibility at night impossible, I just rarely went.

Then I discovered a group that met ONLINE.  Some of them aren't even in the same STATE.  I get the sense that most of them are a little more new to the experience of writing, but the group works for me because I can do it on my own time, without the drive.  It does require that I drop everything to critique others' writing once a month, but it's working fairly well for me since I get their critiques in return.  As I said in a different blog last time, I highly recommend a group like this for anyone.

Missing the Fun

I understand the importance of editing.  It's a critical part of taking writing from a rough draft to a stage where you're ready to share your writing with others through self-publishing, contests, traditional publication, etc.  I get that.  But I miss wearing my writer's hat.  I know I can write and edit at the same time.  But I find that when I have an editing project going and a writing project going at the same time, I want to do the writing.  Editing sits and waits because it's so much more fun to write for me than to edit.

When I'm writing, I feel alive, refreshed, joyous.  When I'm editing, it's a rough slog.  It feels obligatory.  I suppose I need to find a way to turn it from obligatory to joyous.  But it's like cleaning house.  It just seems that it's almost more work trying to find a way for it to be fun or easy than it is to just edit.  See my post a couple of weeks ago about what not to do.  I just have to remind myself that when the editing is done, I get to reward myself by putting my writing hat back on.  That will be a moment to celebrate.

Back into Writing

I've been writing daily, or at least editing most days, for a few years now.  It's the only way to keep the momentum going.  I've  been trying to get my husband to write.  We both know he has stories to tell and meaning to share.  He started a story about a woman dealing with post-abortion stress without realizing it.  It's a great story, and he's a better writer than me overall.  I know there are people who can be helped in their healing process through his writing.  But depression weighs him down.  Stress keeps his days full.

Last night, we went camping, and without my prompting or reminding him, he started writing again.  I'm hoping we can keep this momentum for him going.  I'd like to get him into League of Utah Writers, a writing group that has helped my momentum keep going with my middle-grade fiction novels.  Here's hoping this wasn't a fluke.

Choked

So much for my writing deadline.  It doesn't help when I know the due dates are artificial.  I got a lot of work done toward getting my manuscript edited by the deadline.  But a lot is not the same as all, not by half.  I knew deep down [or not so deep down] that the deadline wouldn't make me or break me.  I want this manuscript done and sent to the editor.  I want to move on to my other book for a while.  But it's really hard to sit and use as much time as is necessary to get it all done.  So I had to extend.  I just hope I don't have to extend again.

It's not that an extension is all bad.  I have more time.  But this puts off my submission to another publisher even more.  It means people who might be helped along in their healing process have to wait that much longer for my novel.  It frustrates me to fail in even this artificial a due date.  I just need to find a way to motivate myself, a set number of hours to work on this project daily and a reward [maybe something without excessive calories] to give myself every time I succeed in meeting that goal.  I know I can do this.  I just need to do it.  It's so much more fun to do the actual writing.