Things I've Learned as an English Major

I've learned many things from becoming an English major.  This does not match everyone’s experience, but it rings true to mine. Here are a few of the things I've learned: 

   -A degree in English means I graduated with a BA in BSing.  I can read crap into ANYTHING.

   -Books and shows are for more interesting when you can read them two ways.  Like for instance, did you ever notice that the line "I'm underwater but I'm breathing fire" from John Legend’s “All of me” makes it sound like we’re listening to a dragon’s love song?

   -You gotta know the rules of English.  Then you can break them.  Whenever you want. 

   -An undergraduate degree in English plus $1.50 buys you a cup of your beverage of choice until the prices go up.  Then it buys you not much, even from a good school.  Unless you’re a teacher.  Then it buys you a membership in the really-educated-yet-underpaid-club. An MA in English may not qualify one for much, but it sure can DISQUALIFY one for some things by making one overqualified.  

   -A master's degree shows you even more than before that the world is a painful place for a grammar nazi.  "It's fewer than twenty!  Fewer! Not less than twenty.”   “Man, there ought to be a comma there.  WHY IS THERE NEVER A COMMA THERE?”  

   -You often confuse anyone but fellow English majors with your vocabulary.  One speaks the same language as other English majors.

   -You often learn less about how to use your own language in an English class than you do in a foreign language class.  Who knew? 

   -When you first take a college English class, everyone seems to know so much about everything.  Then you go to higher level classes, go back to those early classes, and realize no one has the slightest clue what they’re saying. 

   -The Harry Potter series is quite literary as you get toward the end with literary allusions, Christ figures, foils, and everything.  The earlier ones are great, as long as one ignores the adverbs. 

   -The world is just not the same when you learn to apply the phrase “phallic symbol” to everything.   

   -Student loan debt never dies.

   -I could have done my current job, making a decent middle class wage, without a degree.  Doh!  Of course, knowing my way around the language can’t hurt my ability to transcribe.  But it would have been nice to know.

What have you learned from your degree [or work]?